Everyone knows that there are seven kinds of food. All of the fine people on this planet agree that the most gratifying thing a body can put in his or her or their mouth at any given time is one of the "Seven Delicious foods." Occasionally you might hear of a dissenting opinion on this matter, some befuddled "reader of books" arguing for a "well-balanced" or even "sensible" menu, if you can imagine, but just look at how utterly crackers those wolds look when written together. What's next? "Aerobic exercise"? Preposterous. Of the legendary Seven (bacon, eggs, pancetta, Scotch eggs, fish & chips, beef, and steak), one food stands head and shoulders above the rest, and that of course, is steak: the ultimate food. The Cream of the Cow. Figuratively speaking of course, since cows also product literal cream.
Furthermore, all agree that the ideal mouthful of steak is approximately medium-rare, with a well-sealed, flavorsome crust, and one of the best ways to possibly improve this gustatory delight is by washing it down with the ideal dram of Lagavulin 11 Year that we have curated specifically for this task. We collected charismatic casks of American White Oak, with a few European Oak thrown in for culture, all of which had previously held either scotch or wine. The cask interiors were shaved down and then heavily re-charred before we filled them with our golden 11-year single malt whisky for maturation.
The result, which you very fortunately hold in your enviable grip even now, is sheer alchemy. It suggests some peat, chocolate and treacle on the nose, with a hint of red berry and a creaminess that just waves hello in passing. The berry notes, however, pull up a chair in the mouth, complemented by pungent, peaty, woody and spicy tones on the palate, infusing a pleasing chocolatey sensibility. One could argue that the glowing, lingering, spicy, and simply sensational finish are precisely the pinnacle of what human evolution was leading up to this entire time. It's like a mouthful of Scottish poetry, pairing superbly with that steak, obviously, but I aver you'll find it just as pleasing with any of the Seven Delicious foods.
- Nick Offerman